Unfurl – The Word for 2011

What does it mean to unfurl? The dictionary defines it as a verb that means to spread out, to unfold, and to unwind. Synonyms that go with the word “unfurl” is develop, display, expand, open spread, unfold, unroll, unwind. I am taking an idea from a recent blog that I visited, (I wish I could remember which one, there are so many wonderful blogs I have seen in the last few days) where the Author started her journey with a word that she would live by for the year and when things got off track she could come back and refer to that word. I don’t like to copy people, but I think I needed a starting point to my 2011 journey and I have chosen “unfurl”.

Interesting word, don’t you think? I thought it would take forever for me to come up with a word, but it came to me immediately. I like the sound of the word. It left me visions of butterflies emerging from their cocoons, of a bright-colored sail being raised on a beautiful day and cruising the harbor, a glower spreading its color for the world to see. The visions of me were that of a snake coiled ready to strike, a clock tightly wound up, any toy that you have to wind and then it mechanically moves around once released, the rose bud that your always waiting for to open and it never does so you miss its color, its scent. Not pretty pictures of me.

I have spent now the last 5 months being angry and hurt, but I think I have spent years being coiled tighter than a rattler. I wasn’t always like this, I wasn’t always the person that would get angry and talk about the injustice of it all. Not to say that standing up for injustice isn’t a good thing, but I think it’s the manner in which you do it. It started with my first marriage and my angry husband, through to my job, economics make me angry, rude people make me angry, people driving with a cell phone plastered to their ear when it’s illegal makes me angry, inconsiderate people make me angry, health care makes me angry; ok to be honest I think almost everything outside my doors makes me angry. I have lost my house, lost my job, but I know that while we have debt that we cannot repay, I am very blessed to be where I live and I have to use this time that I have here at home to make myself better.

I want to view myself as a butterfly, or a rose bud spreading myself up and showing beauty, I want to rid myself of that vision of a rattle snake or a coil ready to snap. It’s not going to be an easy road, I know that I have to re-adjust my thinking on everything. Quick example, Mom and I were out yesterday shopping for our New Year’s Eve goodies and everywhere we went it seemed like people just kept pushing us out-of-the-way. We would be looking for cheese or meatballs and next thing you know someone keeps moving in, cutting in front of us, or inching closer and closer. For the ones that would blatantly just push themselves in I would say loudly “excuse me, it’s not like I was looking here”, or someone blocking the way while chit chatting on a cell phone while shopping I would say something like “If your conversation is so important maybe you should have stayed at home.” I make these comments loud enough for people to hear, whether they do or not I don’t know, but never directly to them. I have to learn to stop, breath, and when appropriate, perhaps just say, “excuse me, I will be done in a moment, I waited my turn, please give me that same courtesy as waiting your.” I feel it’s because I’m one of those invisible people, because I look around and it doesn’t happen to everyone, well I’m not going to be invisible any longer, but I will do it with kindness, patience, and creativity.

In the unfurling process I want to shed anger, hate, and feelings of injustice. I will need to learn to avoid certain topics if I can’t discuss them calmly and rationally and not to be afraid to tell people I would rather not talk about it. I need to learn to stop yelling at the trucker or the driver on the cell phone. I physically need to rid myself of the constant tense muscles in my neck, shoulders, and legs and learn to breathe deep and clear. It’s not going to be an easy road, but I am ready for the challenge. I want to use my excess energy on art, family, friends, finding new experiences, getting back to loving myself and being proud of who I see in the mirror.

Now that I have put this out there in the cyber world, I have you all to be accountable to, and I’m not making any more resolutions either. I think that’s a pretty big one in its self. I’m looking forward to 2011 to be the start of a new era for me. the 00’s weren’t that good to us, but I think it’s now all in what you make it, and I’m going to make the future the best I can. Happy New Year world, I am Welcoming 2011 with open arms are you?

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1 Comment »

  1. Stacy Said:

    WOW= this could be for me


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